EXTRAORDINARY PARENTING

By Susan | Published: November 27, 2010

What is extraordinary?  Let’s look at the definition.

extraordinary

adjective

1 an extraordinary coincidence remarkable, exceptional, amazing, astonishing, astounding, sensational, stunning, incredible, unbelievable, phenomenal; striking, outstanding, momentous, impressive, singular, memorable, unforgettable, unique, noteworthy; out of the ordinary, unusual, uncommon, rare, surprising; informal fantastic, terrific, tremendous, stupendous, awesome; literary wondrous.

2 extraordinary speed very great, tremendous, enormous, immense, prodigious, stupendous, monumental.

Why would we want our young human to be extraordinary?  Yeh. Wouldn’t it be better if they were ordinary, below par,  non achievers, do only as much as it takes and not any more,  only try a little and then quit because that’s enough, blend into the fabric, fall into the pack, conform to the norm, kind of people.  Wouldn’t that make us proud and give them the best life possible?!

The truth is, our young humans already are extraordinary!  I don’t mean that in a corny way; I mean it in a literal way.  They all come here with these incredible gifts and abilities and knowledge that are only found in them as a unique individual.  All we have to do is allow those gifts to keep coming out of them and don’t shut them down or slowly kill them.  Just because we as adults possibly don’t think of ourselves as gifted or special in any way, we have to be careful not to project that onto our young human.  We cannot whittle away at their greatness just because we think they are the offspring of our family and we may say, “No one in my family has ever been particularly gifted in any way”.  It is our job to look for their unique, exceptional qualities and work towards enhancing them in any way we can.

This is Extraordinary Parenting!

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Homeschooling: The Best Decision I Ever Made!

By Susan | Published: November 17, 2010

I would like to take this time to expound on the homeschooling option that we Parents have for educating our young humans.  Many people have misconceptions about homeschooling.  In reality, homeschooling is very different from what most people assume about it.  They imagine a mom standing at the kitchen table teaching their nine-year-old math from the book in her hand.  Not to say that you cannot do it this way if you choose to, but this is not typically how it is done.  Homeschooling is a big business now and Parents have a wide variety of choices for curriculum on software.  Before I began homeschooling, I attended a homeschooling convention and did all the research to see what my options were.  I took the girls along on this road trip from PA to NC to the convention, so we could all be a part of this process.

Many professionals have put great effort into researching what is the best way for young people to learn.  These individuals have created a thorough and comprehensive curriculum and others have developed amazing software to facilitate this process of learning.  In actuality, the teacher lives inside the computer.  Oftentimes, literally, in a chapter the student will click on the little man in the box and this person starts talking to your student and explaining what he is learning in the words on the page.  The more interactive you want your learning to be, the more you can click on these choices in the program.  If it is enough for you to just read the information on the computer screen, then you just do that and move on.  If you want more explanation or want to expound on this topic then you click on these other links that take you to greater explanation on this subject.  And literally, a human appears in the room (well, on the computer screen) and goes into detail helping the student understand the topic they are covering.

Homeschooling does not have to be a Parent spending their whole day with the students teaching them every subject.  That’s what the software is designed to do on their computer.  As we all know as former students, most learning is independent learning.  No one can force us to learn or hear or memorize anything.  We have to want to hear the information and learn about it.  The software was designed to make learning interesting for the homeschool student.  One of the things that I admire most about the homeschooling program is the fact that after each group of information in a particular subject, the student is then given a quiz.  As soon as the student is finished answering all the questions, the grade pops up instantly.  Right away the student gets to see what they comprehended and what they did not.  But the best part is that the student then needs to go back and re-read that chapter until they understand the information that they got wrong.  They then retake the quiz, and if they have understood the information correctly this time, then they are allowed to proceed to the next group of information.  After several quizzes, the student then takes a test covering a larger amount of information. The same technique is used.  You are immediately graded and given a score.  As the Teacher/Parent, you can set the bar for where you approve the student to pass and go forward to the next section of learning and at what point they have to go back and relearn the information and take the test again.  For me, it was not about a grade; it was about comprehending the subject matter.  So for us, if you missed any of the answers, then you would simply reread the chapters and take the test again until you got all of the answers correct.  If you recall when we were in school, we would take a test on Friday afternoon and two weeks later we would get our test back.  In the meantime, the class had completely moved on to new subject matter.  It was hard to even remember anything having to do with that last test two weeks ago.  I think this is a huge improvement in this program.  It really is about learning the information and not about obtaining a certain score.  It was always my goal to have them develop a love for knowledge that they would take into their adult lives.  I believe homeschooling really accomplishes this goal.

I can’t tell you how many times people have said to me over the years,  “Oh my God! You spend all day with them? Don’t they drive you crazy?”  Wow! That’s so sad that they really don’t like being around their kids that much. Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not some exceptional human being who loves to hang out with my kids all the time.  I am just the normal average adult female who needs to do her own things and have her own career and not just be there to take care of her kids all the time.  So with that said, I understand some people’s strong reaction to homeschooling.  I don’t think they can comprehend what it would be like for their kids to be around all of the time.  But there’s two things I have to say about that.

1. If you like your kids, it’s not that hard to be around them. If they are likable people, then you will actually enjoy hanging out with them and spending time together.

2. Just because you homeschool doesn’t mean you’re with your kids all day long. In fact you don’t have to be with them at all. You can hire someone else to be in charge of the homeschooling for that matter.

I hope I have at least enticed some of you to just consider homeschooling as an option.  It was the best decision I ever made!

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Are We a Robot Programmed by our own Parents?

By Susan | Published: November 14, 2010

Conscious Parenting is a term that refers to the art of choosing how we want to be in relationship with our young human.  The many professionals who have developed and use this concept found that most of us who become Parents have memorized the way our Parents treated us and all of that is locked inside of us.  Subsequently, when we become Parents and find ourselves in a particular situation with our young human, our Parents’ way of doing things kicks in and comes out in how we act and react.  In a way, it’s kind of like a robot that has been programmed.  When given a command, the robots will respond in a particular way each time based on how it was programmed by the designer.  In much the same way, we have been programmed on how to Parent by our Parents.

When we are born, we are like sponges and we soak up everything around us.  It makes perfect sense that we would also memorize how our Parents acted and reacted to different situations.  One day, we become a Parent and we repeat exactly what they did. What happens is that we are confronted with a situation with our own young human and a reaction simply comes out of us that we didn’t even plan.  It was like a programmed response. The scariest part is that some of us have no idea that we are doing this.  There is no hope of us ever changing it, if we do not even know that we are doing it.

Conscious Parenting calls on the person who has decided to bring a human being into this world to actually think and plan and decide how they would like this relationship to be.  It requires the person to look at how things were done with them by their Parents and make a decision if this is something that they would like to keep because it is beneficial or discard because it is harmful.  This is a process and sometimes a very painful one.  Going back and re-living our childhood and all of its memories may not be a pretty sight for many of us.  But this process is crucial if we plan to practice Extraordinary Parenting.  By the way, even if we are completely happy with how we were raised, the Parenting model will never be our own if we do not go back and evaluate all of it and re-choose it for our own way of being with our young human.

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Extraordinary Breeds Extraordinary

By Susan | Published: November 10, 2010

In general, I think most people have a good understanding that human beings come into this world a blank tape and it is the Parents who fill them.  When people see a young human acting in a way that is destructive, belligerent, dangerous, bully-ish, violent, or obnoxious, they realize that this behavior has a lot to do with what this young human has observed, has received, and was dealt from his Parents.  We all sense that this is a learned behavior and not something that this young human came into the world with.  Somehow we all just know that this is not natural and that it goes against the grain of the true nature of the human being.  We recognize that it was a destructive force imposed upon this young human that has made him or her become like this.

Likewise, when we observe a human being doing something that is remarkable and exceptional, we look for the source of this amazing accomplishment. We accept that human beings are capable of greatness, yet we find ourselves looking for the birthplace of this inspiration to this human being.  Of course, the accomplishment  belongs to the individual, however it is not uncommon to uncover a foundation for this virtuosity.  The circumstances were made perfect for this mastery to flourish.  The young human was given certain advantages that blossomed into this materialized end result.  Historically speaking, extraordinary acts by extraordinary people were fostered by other extraordinary people. Greatness leads to greatness.

Now is the time as Parents for us to focus on ourselves as individuals.  It is important that we hold ourselves accountable for the impact that we have on the human beings that we bring into the world.  Being a Parent is an opportunity for us to see how we can learn to be extraordinary individuals and in turn lead our young humans to be extraordinary people.  This detail of my formula for Parenting is a critically essential component to  effectively raising an extraordinary human being.  Only when we have committed to living our lives fully will we be successful at raising an extraordinary human being.  Only when we have committed to integrity in everything we do will we be able to create a human being that others can count on to be their word.  Only when we choose to live passionately will we give the world a human being that knows how to seize every moment and make the most of it.  Only when we as individuals stand for fairness, equality, and compassion towards others will we produce human beings that go out into the world and truly make it a better place for all of us to live.  Only when we discriminate over what we put into our bodies, minds, and souls will we breed a world full of healthy, productive, and thriving human beings.

The reason Parenting is the greatest job on earth is because we have the opportunity to dictate what the world will be like.  However each of us collectively create these people to be, is what the world will be filled with.

Happy Extraordinary Parenting!

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Prerequisite to Success or Greatness

By Susan | Published: November 7, 2010

As an intelligent, clear-minded, assertive adult, we just have to make the choice to not turn the tv on.  Period!  That’s it!  NO TV.  There are so few hours in the day that if we give them over to tv watching, then we trade in our opportunity for accomplishing great things.  Of course, television can be entertaining, relaxing, educational, fascinating, etc. etc., but it is also addictive and it will eat up all of our precious free time.  Other moms were dumbfounded when they would hear that we had no tv watching in our house and asked me how did I do that?  They actually didn’t feel they had the ability or the power to make that decision in their own home.  Well, guess what.. WE DO!

Please remember, if you give them a video game or a television, you will kill their ability to find what this thing is that they are passionate about.  There is nothing for them to create and bring into the world unique to them in a video game or a television.  I am sure there is some degree of merit in both video games and a select few tv shows in the way that everything in life serves some purpose.  However, if we give them these two things and then expect them to not become addicted to both of them then we are uhm… what’s the word….   uhm… stupid.  Sorry!  Then we are being unrealistic.

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Are We Making our Kids Sick?

By Susan | Published: November 6, 2010

Ease to the body implies that whatever is happening to or around the human being is being received in a way that the body feels calm, relaxed, and at peace. When the human body feels at peace, everything inside the system is open and flowing.  Dis-ease to the body implies that whatever is happening to or around the human being is being received in a way that the body feels disrupted, unsettled, and disturbed.  When the human body feels unsettled, everything inside the system slows down and things begin to be blocked and go into shutdown.

Whenever things are flowing and open in the body there is health.  As soon as things inside the body begin to slow down and shut down, illness begins to form.  Even though the younger the human body is, the more resilient it is; it still takes a blow every time it receives words or behaviors that are toxic and offensive.  Each blow takes its toll on the internal organs of the human body over time.

As a Parent, we need to own the fact that how we relate to our young human on a daily basis will have great consequences on their physical health.  We must gather as much knowledge as possible to fully understand the connection between their emotions and their physical body.  Because of the great power over another life that has been given to us, it is our responsibility to understand how much we determine their physical health for the rest of their lives.

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Different Schools for Different Kids

By Susan | Published: November 1, 2010

I am very  fortunate that I have had the experience of working professionally with so many young humans over the years.  I have been able to gather so much information from them about what works for them and what doesn’t work when it comes to their education.  All the years of working in a group home with teen girls, working in a residential facility with emotionally disturbed kids (this is not my term, by the way), working in an agency with sexually abused girls and boys, working as a mentor with teen pregnant girls in Harlem, and working with young patients as their Therapist or Acupuncturist has been a great privilege.  For anyone to put their trust in you and turn their health or their life over to you is such an honor.  This work has allowed me to see that all humans are completely unique.  It makes perfect sense to me that what is fitting for one person, may not be fitting for another.  One type of school may be perfect for one person yet the exact opposite of this school is what another young human really needs.  Not only are all schools different from each other; all individuals are different from each other.  It seems to me the formula is to look at our individual young human and see what will work best for them.  Oftentimes, we may have to try one possibility and then make a change to the next option if that one is not appropriate.

The norm is for Parents to enroll their young humans in a school that they believe works best for the whole family.  This school may be selected because of finances (the abundance of or the lack of), because of location (close to home or work), or because of academic reputation (difficult to succeed or easy to succeed).  It is only natural that we will place our young humans in a school environment that fits our capabilities and income level.  I think what is most important here, at least what I really want to impress on my readers, is to be open to exploring all of our options.  It is not enough to simply accept that the public school two blocks from home is the best option for Sarah.  It is not okay for us to place our young human in the school where all of our family members went when it is insensitive to who our young human is as an individual.  As Parents, we have our ideas of who we would like our young humans to be.  We choose a school oftentimes based on this image of who we would like them to be.  Just because we, and all of our brothers and sisters, went to a particular school, does not mean it is the best place for our young human to attend.  It may be more work on us as a Parent because it’s farther from home or it costs more money, or it may be less prestigious for the family to say our kid goes there, but it is important that we choose the educational path that best fits who they are – not who we think they are or who we want them to be.  If we think outside the box, and look for creative ways to make this new school work for everyone, then we are bound to find a solution.

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The Secret to a Positive Childbirth Experience

By Susan | Published: October 30, 2010

The most important thing I can pass on about the undertaking/process of bringing a baby into the world is to trust Nature.  If we keep reminding ourselves to trust the natural process, and truly believe that our bodies were designed to be able to do this, over and over, then we can relax.  Our biggest job is to not get in the way of Nature and to not screw it up.  Our job is to not panic and freak out and tense up and cave in the moment of intensity.  This life changing event calls on us to put the baby first before ourselves.  We need to be able to suck it up for the sake of the baby.  It will all be over soon and we will be fine and we will have a real live human life that we created inside of us that will be one of the greatest accomplishments of our life.  Even if it is 48 hours…so what…it’s only 48 hours out of our whole life.  We will be just fine.

The way that I think we can gain the most control over this challenging situation is for us as the mom to be in connection with the baby.  In order to do this we have to block out all external stimulation.  If we can go inside ourselves and be one with the baby, then the two of us can do this job together.  It is incredible what a difference it makes when we can block out all light and sounds and people and talking and stimulation and become one with the process of the baby moving down and working their way centimeter by centimeter out of the body and into the world.  When I was going through this, I remember feeling everything the baby was doing and listening to it and responding with whatever it needed me to do.  I was sort of clearing the way for her, so to speak.  The baby would do the work and I would clear the way.  It is true what they say that after the contraction ceases, you get a complete reprieve.  So it’s a beautiful built in system by Nature.  You get tested to your maximum capacity when the contractions come, but then it totally leaves you and you feel normal for a bit, until the next contraction.  Can you imagine if they just came all at once and their was no reprieve?  The way it is designed is that it is intense yet manageable.  At least, in my opinion.

After all of the months of carrying this baby inside of you, and after all the long hours of working with the baby to help him or her move down to the birth canal, and then after the time spent pushing the baby out into the world, you experience the coolest thing ever.  The most amazing part of Human Delivery is at the very end when the baby just gushes out.  When that happens, you have never felt a feeling of such elation and joy like this ever before in your life.  There is nothing you can compare it to. It is incredible!

This experience comes and goes so fast.  Don’t miss a second of it.   Take it all in!

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I’ll Take The Happy One Please !

By Susan | Published: September 21, 2010

When I was a young mother with four little ones, I remember thinking to myself,  “I said I wanted to be a mother not a maid”.  I couldn’t believe how much the two job descriptions got lumped together.  It wasn’t long before I fixed this problem.  Generally, when I am disgruntled about something, I just change something and fix it and then I stop bitching about it and then I’m a happy person again.  That means other people around me get to be around a happy person and not a miserable, complaining person.  There’s nothing worse than being a kid who has a wretched, irritable Parent that never seems to really want to find solutions to the problems as much as just to torture the other people around them with them.

Ask yourself this one really important question:  If you were a soul floating around in Paradise and it was decided that you had to leave this perfect place and enter a body and go to Earth and live the human life, would you prefer to be born into a family where the Parents are happy and fun and interesting and kind and affectionate ….or born to Parents that are angry and miserable and negative and boring and screamers and control freaks and sad and depressed and….well you get the point! When we bring a human into the world, please don’t forget that they didn’t ask to come here.  We have complete control over who the person is that they are forced to live with for 18 yrs of their life.

Let’s all try really hard to be the person we would want to live with for the most important 18 years of our life.

HAPPPY Parenting!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEEEEZZZZZZ!!!

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Are you raising the next President of the United States?

By Susan | Published: September 17, 2010

We no longer live only in a community-oriented society, rather we are a global world now.  What one Parent does in America, can affect a group of people in Scandinavia.  What one mother does in Italy can have consequences on an individual in Thailand.  What one father does in Pakistan can heavily influence the lives of multitudes in Costa Rica.  What I mean is, as individual Parents, we have the potential to be a great impact not only on our own young humans but also on the individuals and groups of people anywhere in the world…everywhere in the world!  Whatever kind of person we give to the world will dictate what kind of world we will live in once they grow up.  Our young humans will grow up to be politicians, doctors, attorneys, schoolteachers, police officers, legislators, lawmakers, lobbyists, architects, our military officers, chefs, clothing designers, inventors, astronauts, professional athletes, Olympic athletes, taxi drivers, engineers, artists, musicians, and the list goes on.  One Parent out there right now is raising the individual who will decide how many arms the United States should have to fight the nuclear war.  Another Parent is raising the person who will be leading our country and deciding our relationships with the rest of the world.  Another Parent is influencing the person who will determine the future of our world ecologically.  When we realize this is actually true, the stakes become higher.  Once we face this reality, it kind of makes us want to pay attention even more to what we’re doing as a Parent.  Doesn’t it?

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